Dark Side of Motherhood.
Motherhood — Many women experience it; some simply endure.
The following images explore the darker side of motherhood — Loneliness, Exhaustion, Perinatal Depression, Feeling Touched-Out, The Mental Load, Terrible/Generic Advice, Constant Advocation to a Deaf Medical System.
While the world sleeps
June 2026
While the World Sleeps explores the peaceful yet lonely feeling mothers experience in the middle of the night while nursing their bubs.
On one hand, there’s a peacefulness I experienced in the early days of nursing where I’d hear my baby begin to stir, sit up, turn on the soft bedside light, pick up my tiny baby, latch him to my breast and just stare at him while my husband snored softly beside us (That is, until I woke him to change the nappy). I always loved the way my son could hold so tight to my scrunched up shirt and yet be fully relaxed in my arms knowing he was safe.
On the other hand, the extreme loneliness I experienced while nursing in the middle of the night was exhausting. I knew there was someone, somewhere that was awake with their baby as well but it was never as comforting as it was lonely. The older he became, the lonelier I felt, wondering how long this stage will last.
I would not trade the experience for anything (Okay, maybe for more sleep). I hope this portrait speaks to the peaceful-lonely heart of mothers everywhere.
Touched
July 2026
Touched is inspired by the feeling of being ‘Touched Out’.
I heard of this term before I even gave birth. I never really understood it, thinking ‘touch is my love language’. And in the early days I still didn’t get it. Even though my baby was colic, and I spent basically 100% of my time with him for the first 6 months, I never felt I had been too close to him.
In late infancy and early toddlerhood I suddenly realised what it meant to be touched out. It was like the feeling of his little hands all over me never left and he still needed more of me. While some of the hand prints fade, others are fresh and the cycle carries on until moms become a baby handprint. There’s moments where a mom just needs a minute to be alone, to not be touched, to not hear the word ‘mama’, to just be. There were days where I would cringe when my husband would kiss me or touch me and I couldn’t figure out why I felt so ick until I realised I just didn’t want to be touched.
In this painting I added texture and colour to the ‘world’ and left mom colourless and more-or-less flat looking to depict the feeling of overstimulation.
more to come